So just recently my boss hired a new person to assist others in my group at work.  The job that this person is performing is far from difficult…pretty much order entry and other clerical types of things.  Well, of course, my boss had nothing to do with her the second after he hired her.  From day one it was my responsibility to train and show her the ropes.  Well, from day one it was quite the challenge.  The woman didn’t know how to turn on her computer.  She didn’t understand how to reply or forward an email even though Outlook spells out the words on the button.  And, to top it all off, she would hum and sing to herself in-between tapping her 2 inch acrylic nails on her desk all day long.  So, when my boss asked me how she was progressing, being the extremely honest and blunt person I am, I told him that she was pretty much one of the biggest idiots I’ve ever encountered.  After a very long conversation about her stupidity, I was told that she was the BEST we could find.  Really?  I would have rather hired a third grader on their summer vacation.

In my last annual review my boss told me that I didn’t get a promotion but would essentially be doing two jobs for the pay of one.  Initially I wasn’t very upset, just happy that I got a small raise and didn’t get busted for anything I had done over the past year.  After a few weeks of letting the news marinate, I became pretty disgruntled.  After getting up enough courage or before I blew up at someone I decided to go talk to him.  I told him that I didn’t understand why the job that I was performing was not in the specific career ladder I was hoping I’d be moved to.  He pretty much told me that the level I was currently at and the tasks that I were performing were at a higher level than what I was expecting to be categorize as.  Well, my problem with being at this level on the ladder is that I make LESS MONEY.  How is it that what I’m doing is at a higher level but my pay and ladder don’t reflect that?  Doesn’t make much sense now does it?  And the cherry on the top was that I was told that I pretty much saved the company from having to hire another person to do my second job.  Well, if that’s the case I think they could have afforded to give me some of the money they saved, but no.  I got .85 cents and a bunch of BS to go along with it.

http://slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2010/jenny_vs_spencer.htm

Sometimes it’s not our bosses at all. It’s the assistants of other bosses. I realize I might be offending some of you type A’s out there (and there are many! We’re assistants! We have to be!), but perhaps we can all teach each other a thing or two about sanity on the job. I was told to book a specific suite at a hotel for my boss, who was hosting a lunch for six executives there. He wanted the view to be just so. The assistant in charge of booking that suite for me, said “Our bosses just talked and he no longer wants that suite, he wants the suite on the 12th floor.” Then, get this. She goes on to tell me, “How about this. You confirm the suite on the 12th floor with the group and we’ll be done here.” And I replied, “How about THIS. I talk to my boss first because he gave me a very specific idea of which suite he wanted, and I’ll let you know what he says. THEN I’ll confirm with the group, mmmm-k? Thanks.” Slam phone. Ugh. Assistants who try to assist your boss and then manage you is seriously the worst thing on the whole freakin’ planet!

–You Don’t Control Me. I Control You! (LOL)

My parents were coming to town! I was so stoked. They hadn’t visited me in three years. This was going to be a really special occasion, and I had already made a list of all the things I wanted to show them. I asked my boss for a day off. Not four days. Not three. Not two. A single day. And do you know what he said? Sure you do. He said, “No.  I really need you that day.” I said, “I realize this place would melt without me, but it’s one day, and I anticipate it will be very slow.” He replied, “I’m expecting an important call that day.” I said, “I can get someone to cover.” He said, “No. I need you here. Sorry. I’m sure your parents will understand. You have a good work ethic, after all, and I’m sure it came from them.” Seriously. That’s what happened. I called in sick that day.

–Oh, Yes I did!

While sitting in my office enjoying a slow, Tuesday morning, I receive an email from my insanely irritating boss. It states “They haven’t picked up our recycling bin in weeks…any ideas??” I’m thinking, “Yes. Spend the effing time you spent composing this professional email and pick up the phone.” Obviously, I did not respond in this fashion and took care of the “oh so urgent” issue by placing a two minute phone call.

—Happens Every Day

We had this guy missing for weeks and finally I get a robot call saying “this is the men’s correction center for blah blah… will you accept the call from blah blah.” I say “Yes accept the call.” It was the missing executive trying to reach his boss. This executive was in jail.  :  /    When the call switched from robot voice to him, he tried to make up excuses saying he is at the jail for his brother or something.

—Yup True Story

Anytime my boss went into a meeting, on a plane, or even to the bathroom, the muscles between my shoulders would get to relax. No more rolling calls, no more sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for hell to break loose. It was just a simple, undisputed, “Sorry folks, he is unavailable.” And today was no exception when he walked past me with the trades, on into the bathroom. The morning was off to a great start. A blissful five minutes or so with just me and my coffee… Until I heard the toilet flush, and the unfortunate silence coming from the bone-dry sink. The door opened, followed by… my boss, handing me the trades, “in case I wanted to read them.” Very bad start to the day. And not the last load to hit my desk.

Sincerely, Seriously?!

During my first week on the job, my boss pulled $400 out of his wallet to pay me back for a purchase I had made for him.  Upon seeing the large amount of cash he had on him, I said, “Wow, look at you!”  He heard: “Wow, look at the Jew!”  He said, “Did you just say, look at the Jew?! YOU’RE FIRED!”  I said, “No-no!  I said look at YOU.”  He said, “Oh.  Okay.  You’re not fired.”

— Friend of the Jews

When I was an intern, I had a boss who would not allow us to look him in the eye.  Yes, the same people who cut his chicken into quarters and whited out any black ink specs on his script pages had to avoid eye contact whenever he walked into the room.  To avoid any uncomfortable situations in which we might accidentally lock eyes, the interns were ordered to huddle into one room whenever he was present; however one would always linger in the doorway in case a junior executive needed to flag us down.  That executive was later fired for a crooked poster hanging in the lobby.

— Another Ink Speck